people who know you have a certain power. the ones who know things about you that you would rather erase. those people make a dent in your armor. regardless of how close you remain, or despite what has transpired in your lives, they still have the power to get to a part of you, for good or for bad.
they are the kind of people that ask innocent questions and aren't dumbfounded when your answer doesn't have anything to do with what they asked. and they sit silently anyway, watching whatever is inside you let loose its grip while hot, sticky tears stream down your cheeks and you forget what sentence you started.
at it's then that self awareness becomes pointless. as pointless as anything else. and everything that seemed important ten minutes before dissolves out of frame. you just sit, conscious only of your posture and that it's too late to wipe tears away, because you don't have much to hide from them anyway.
things are supposed to get easier with time. but time often does little more than give you new things to think and worry about. it just makes the older stuff seem tired - less relevant.
sleep is a great neutrality, however. gives the brain and the heart time to level the playing field before the next round of play. which is why i will take two helpings tonight, please and thank you.