Tuesday, January 4, 2005

caffeine - the real enemy

in the last four hours, i have consumed a big gulp of diet coke, a 24 oz mountain dew, and a large cappuccino with extra sugar. my brain is moving too fast for the rest of my body, and i can't seem to focus my eyes on any one spot for more than 3 seconds.

it's the coffee.

i drink red bull and mountain dew, well, pretty much daily. and they always give me this gentle sense of awareness. but for some reason coffee, which i have only started drinking lately, could be the best and simultaneously the worst invention ever. i can feel blood roaring around the veins in my body. i am speaking faster than i can edit myself. and i feel capable of any feat of strength put into my path, though i would probably suffer heart failure if i exerted myself more than sprinting a few yards.

who thought up coffee? what was the trial and error of creating it like? some guy just said, hey, let's grind up these little beans and run hot water through it. and then we'll drink the result. how many versions of it did they reject before settling on the current one? if it weren't for the taste of coffee, it could be the greatest and most dangerous tool on the planet. aside from the penis, of course.

Saturday, January 1, 2005

things to do in jail

I have this little insider at a detentions facility (jail, to the layman) who shares with me all the delightful and heartwarming things that go on while people are incarcerated. Truly, I am a better person for these stories. One of which, I am about to share.

The community which houses this particular jail donates items to keep inmates occupied. I have been to this particular facility (willingly, mind) and found myself searching for things to do, once the riot and tazer gear lost its appeal. Among the donated items are books, board games, and the like. I would guess that all items donated are searched for content and/or anything unusual, and those games/books/novelties that don't fit the bill are discarded.

One mildly disturbing item they have in one of their "common areas" is the popular family game Jenga. Now, Jenga is disturbing in its own right, I cannot dispute that. But this particular game was altered (in full fraternity style) to become "Truth or Dare Jenga", with all the excitement of the original, plus the handwritten added bonus of exciting questions and challenges for each player to complete.

Originally, I think, the idea was to play this game somewhat intoxicated and, presumably, with the opposite sex; Not sitting in a cemented dungeon, stone-cold sober, amongst 10 other felons around a card table that reeks of urine. "Dare: Grope the person sitting across from you for 15 seconds." I love America. It overflows with possibilty, even for the forever-condemned.