Wednesday, October 22, 2008

a few words about sex, and daylight

my blog isn't cohesive at all, i get that. none of it has any underlying theme or purpose, and the only thing that remotely connects them all is because they were all going through my head at the time i wrote them. and while i think that's enough, the rules of being a serious blogger prohibit pretty much anything i do on any of my blogs. what's the harm in the occasional caveat? i'm not getting paid to do this. i'm certainly not gaining fame or accolades. i write in this blog because it's amazingly cathartic for me. regardless of what i write, i feel better. it's therapy. i'm sure, in fact, that if i wrote about something the world cared about, made my blog a little more professional and regular, and made it relevant and grammatically correct, i might get paid for it. that's for another blog and another subject, i suppose. in the meantime, sex..

talking about sex is so interesting to me, mainly because i'm not afraid to ask people about it and enjoy hearing what they have to say. i have some friends that get embarrassed or change the subject, and it's weird to have so many people that are really incapable of being open about it. i should note that, to my knowledge, i didn't engage in sex at all last night, or have any racy dreams. so i could ask myself why this came to mind, but like many things i think of, i have no idea. they just appear.

but for whatever reason i woke up today and started thinking about how the time of day is just as much a factor to sex as location and, this one could be debated, who you're having sex with.

having sex during the day is wholly different than any other time. for one, it's light out. there's more physical exposure, of course. the light ends up changing the level of intimacy - either more so because you're letting more of your flaws out there, or less so.. for oddly that same reason.

but daytime has an altogether different feel too, in that there's usually no alcohol, no dinner, no prelude.

even still, i'd say that having sex first thing in the morning is different than during the day - because of circumstance, past life (is that what they called it in theatre school? the 'what previously happened'? i can't remember.) all those things make such a giant difference. and having sex waking up in the middle of the night adds an even stranger facet to something that would at another time feel completely different.

so many people have this idea that nighttime is appropriate. but why? does it have something to do with some deeply instilled guilt that our parents taught us? would we be more apt to do something at night because it's darker? or 'safer'?

or we feel like we're less likely to get caught. surely crime is higher at night.

maybe it has nothing to do with subconscious guilt. maybe the darkness adds a mystery that we like. maybe it's more convenient, since everyone's shutting down for the day, decompressing. maybe it's something else altogether.

it could have nothing to do with sex. maybe it's just the intimacy. certainly any emotion would be handled differently at midnight as opposed to 3pm, good or bad.

i was in the northwest territories a few years ago at a time when it was daylight 23 hours out of the day. and that last hour wasn't even really dark. but when it's 1am out and you're having a cocktail when the sun might as well be blazing overhead just felt..weird. it's like we expect that light and dark, and are used to expressing feelings accordingly.

i have no idea where this is going. can you imagine what my therapist has to listen to? that woman doesn't have nearly enough paper.

daytime does make me feel more exposed in every way. i'm less reluctant to 'feel' things, i find myself more vulnerable. during the day i keep busy and try to keep the mind occupied on routine things. but somehow the night isn't all that much of a safety blaknet in comparison. i express myself more at night, i allow myself to really consider how i'm feeling. but at night, all bets aren't off. nights end, after all, and more more abruptly than days do - if you've even noticed.

since i have the time and the inclination, i should start doing things at the opposite point of the day they would normally get done in. i'm going to wake up and get a steak, maybe go dancing, sleep while the rest of the world is busy being productive, and then wake up at 4:30am to vacuum and make a bank deposit.

1 comment:

KJT said...

While this comment isn't about sex, or daylight, I had to drop it in following up on the job loss... whatever it is you get to doing eventually (sooner or later) do not stop writing. Not that I feel you would. But don't. Since Jamie turned me onto your writing some time back (years?!?) I've been surreptitiously (for the most part) and curiously reading. Don't know why I felt I had to tell you that. But I'm thoroughly enjoying it all. Fascinating. This is one of my all time favorites:
Transported me.
Keep going. It's the journey, not the destination.