i had to let the toads go last night. some girl came and took them home with her. it created this distant but familiar feeling - much more diluted because this time, the only human involved was me.
i knew i had to give them up - for the good of all involved. and after i made the decision, i became increasingly more agitated that they were still there - once you're resigned to living without something, it's unsettling waiting for it to happen. you just want it over already, and go into a kind of avoidance mode.
and then, when they're finally gone, there's this emptiness. you spend too much time wondering if you did the right thing. and you know deep down, regardless of everyone else's perspective, that you did what you had to in the end, and that there are some things that you shouldn't compromise away - some things are too important to go without. still, it's hard to be without something that you were sure was going to be with you forever.
it's easier with toads. emotional attachment only goes one way, and they are simple creatures after all. then again, so are we sometimes.