Wednesday, September 24, 2008


i had to let the toads go last night. some girl came and took them home with her. it created this distant but familiar feeling - much more diluted because this time, the only human involved was me.

i knew i had to give them up - for the good of all involved. and after i made the decision, i became increasingly more agitated that they were still there - once you're resigned to living without something, it's unsettling waiting for it to happen. you just want it over already, and go into a kind of avoidance mode.

and then, when they're finally gone, there's this emptiness. you spend too much time wondering if you did the right thing. and you know deep down, regardless of everyone else's perspective, that you did what you had to in the end, and that there are some things that you shouldn't compromise away - some things are too important to go without. still, it's hard to be without something that you were sure was going to be with you forever.

it's easier with toads. emotional attachment only goes one way, and they are simple creatures after all. then again, so are we sometimes.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you had to let them go. Pets are like family members, so living without is going to hurt or at least feel weird. Glad you found them a home unlike some people who just open the door and say goodbye.

deb aka Saint Colette

Anonymous said...

OH my gosh Sharon! I know this was traumatic for you, but seriously, it did make me smile to read the post where they got out and were hanging out over the water bowl reliving stories of their short lived freedom. I miss you more than you know. I need to hear these stories in person over cocktails...though I can hear you say them as I read. Love you!!! Heidi

Anonymous said...

Come to Oklahoma. We have many toads and creatures. I recently caught some geckos outside my house. You too, can catch geckos outside my house anytime. This way, you don't have to get attached to them, because you can always just go outside and grab one for kicks. LORD KNOWS I DO! WOOHOO!

K. You get the drift.


Anonymous said...

Don't be so sure that toads can't feel emotion, even love for people. There is a tiny island in the middle of a massive lake in Nebraska. Every dusk you could find the toads just between the beach and the trees, just waiting for you to come by and pick them up. Sometimes if you felt like being alone, you could walk around the island picking up each toad and throwing it far into the lake. But by the time you get around the island to the beginning, there are the toads again, waiting on the beach. Someone told me once that they swam back because the island is their home, but I like to think it was out of affection for me. Real human love. Deep stuff.

redwithenvy said...

i love that. thank you.