Friday, March 20, 2009

I am at least 18 years of age (CLICK TO ENTER)

So, I got a new job. Few of you know, most of you don't. I was going to say not to read this if you are worried about thinking of me differently. But truly, if this post changes you, I'm shocked we were friends in the first place.

I got hired a few weeks ago at an online adult DVD rental company. It's X-Rated Netflix, if you want to look at it that way.

I had a lot of reservations about working here, mostly because, like many people, I had preconceived notions about what working with adult DVDs would be like. After that, I got worried about how it might look to have this job on my resume if it didn't end up working out here. I started to worry about what people might think, and then realized I really shouldn't give a shit. If I'm okay with it (and I found out that I am) then everyone can be happy for me or piss the hell off.

I'm sorry to say (mostly for Aaron's sake) that it's very much like any normal office. Unless you stopped to look at DVD covers, paperwork, or boxes of promotional material, you might think you were working in an insurance office. A very laid back, fun insurance office, maybe. But nothing that slaps you in the face with porn every time you look around.

I handle customer service, and creating multiple shipments every day. It's a routine, and has more to do with order and timing than anything else. If someone in shipping gets held up, it holds me up, and then everything's off for the rest of the day. Likewise, I can hold them up if I'm not careful.

But it's pretty low stress, and a comfortable place to be. The people that work here are fun, the boss is very cool, and the two guys I work closely with are pretty fab. In a way, it's a very normal job in an abnormal environment.

When I told a friend I got hired, his response was, "Oh yeah. That fits you." Naturally, I needed clarification. He pointed out that throughout my adult work life, I'd had nothing but unique jobs: radio, auto parts, 911 dispatcher, prizing and marketing website. I hadn't really noticed that before, but I have to admit he has a point.

It's not like I go looking for strange jobs.

The one thing that has been a little weird for me is dealing with people who have worked in this environment for a long time, and aren't fazed by much anymore. I'm sure at some point, I won't giggle at DVD titles, or be shocked by photos and video scenes. But at the moment, I'm in a bit over my head.

For example, my boss was across the room the other day asking me about a particular shipment to a customer.

"Which shipment was it?" he asks me.

It took some great courage and a few moments to get the words out, but my answer was, "Anal School Tryouts and Ass Intruders Volume 17."

Since then, I have seen some titles that put the above to shame, and I suppose I will get used to it eventually. For now, I try to keep the snickering to a minimum. It isn't easy.

Those of you who know Aaron can imagine how elated he was to find out where I got employed. He was the first one I told. I don't think I have ever heard Aaron so happy. As he put it, he felt like "a fat kid in a candy store." And it is because of Aaron, and in his honor, that each day I take a photo of a different DVD cover and sent it to him from my phone - Aaron's DVD Cover of The Day. If anyone wants to be part of the mailing list, send me an essay of any length on why Aaron should let you be part of ADCD and he can approve or decline based on his own criteria.

I know Aaron was hoping for multiple blog posts about my job, and I'm sure they will be forthcoming. I don't know how much is too much at this point. I could do a giant post about all the things I learned the first week I was here, but I'm still in shock from most of it.

Now please excuse me while I get back to work and locate Horny Ragin' Asians.


cae said...

I don't see why this is considered such a shocking job. It's not like you're starring in the movies.

I was approached to do a website for "marital aids" (to use a pathetic euphemism for sex toys) and would have happily done it - and included it on my resume - had the person proposing the site had any real idea of what they were doing.

Congrats on the job! - just be sure to wash your hands after handling the returns ...

redwithenvy said...

I agree with you. But not everybody sees things like we do.

And thankfully I don't handle the returns. But I do get to answer the customer service 800 number.

Which reminds me, Aaron - it's kind of like I really get to live up to my dispatch nickname..

PJ said...

And you dispatch nickname was...?

redwithenvy said...

nothing in life is that easy, pedro. my friend aaron tells the story so much better than i do.

Big Zexxxxy said...

I'm not going to tell any stories until I finger out how the god damn spell check works on my fancy new Apple Power Book.

Bill Gates might be the modern day Jim Jones and well I drank the Kool-Aid. I've got 20 years of Windows I've got to unlearn to make my new porn loader work.

I'm sure reading this makes Sharon squeal with pleasure. It's karma for all the shit I gave you.

This new gig makes you like the little kid that get's the golden ticket in his Wonka bar. Only when you walk through the door it's not some umpa-lumpa song. It's 2 Live Crew's 'Welcome to the Fuck Shop".

The ADCD fucking rules!

Anonymous said...

It sounds like this will be a great/interesting experience for you...and I hope you never loose the ability to laugh at porn movie titles!! That would be a real tragedy. Kirsten

Jeremy said...

Another classic post. I laughed my ass intruders off.